dare2diva

Time for a much needed update

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 09:12:00 +0000

Wow, so nice to be back!

Quite a bit has happened since my last post.

I am a working woman! It has been 6 weeks now and I love it. I work for a government department, get paid A LOT (6 thank you very much), the people are great, I have to complete a time sheet and I get 1 day off a month and I am only allowed to work a maximum of 8hrs a day for 19 days out of every 20! You get told off if you work longer because you should have a work life balance. There is already a promotion in the pipeline for me and I am loving it.

Life is pretty great. Sure, I have had the flu, asthma and viral meningitis in the last 3months but it hasn't worried me too much mentally.

I am totally over men and I just don't care. I can't deal with men that have anger management issues at all, CYA, and I am not missing sex at all. As you know, I have toys if required but it just isn't a priority. I can have it anytime I like though, with a couple of 'friends' so I guess that is why I don't care.

Family is all good. I am still on the edge with my pa but since his attack on me, he has backed off a lot.

Psychologically, I am feeling good. I don't feel amazing but I don't feel down yet I don't feel flat line either. This is a good thing. Work is helping with that, as is paying bills again without having to worry at all.

I am a super model. Well, sort of. I am now one of the faces of a fabulous online fashion store www.styleandsubstance.com.au. I am doing a wedding photo shoot on Sunday which is going to be a hoot. You couldn't pay me enough to have a real wedding and wear a wedding dress for anything else but a photo shoot so this is an amazing opportunity for me.

The weight loss journey has been on hold for now. I haven't been in the right head space but I do plan on getting back on track in the next few weeks.

That is about it for now. I will be posting more regular updates.

Interesting - Original post date March 21 2010

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:07:00 +0000

Diva has had a rather interesting time of late. Still without a job but so very grateful that I have savings to assist me. Amazing what a single woman can save and how much money she has when an ‘it’ isn’t using her money to pay for his debt, presents for his slut or visits to his prostitute!

It has been good that I have been made to spend some time reflecting. I need to set priorities in my life and set standards and not settle for anything less that the best. I can’t be concerned about hurting somebody else because I only hurt myself in the long run. For a woman who likes to be in control, and is so strong and ‘intimidating’ (yes, I have been told I am intimidating), I have trouble saying no, or speaking my mind if it may hurt somebody even though it may be the best thing for me. Still a people pleaser which only gets me hurt.

I have found out that I may be able to find another career in the field of PORN! Yes that is right ladies and gents. Diva has been told that she is sexy and could make money as a fat porn model or as they like to call it BBW Porn pics. I can always turn my Diva blog into an adult fiction site. Who knows what the future might bring. There is a gorgeous lady who is around twice my size who makes USD$300 squashing men. Yep, she sits on them and they pay her. She doesn’t go beyond the squashing but other women in this industry do more and are paid A LOT more than that. Career possibilities are endless people. I keep getting told this but this really wasn’t what I had in mind!

I still haven’t resumed phone conversations yet or conversations in person unless really necessary. The break has been refreshing, but it is time for me to get back into it again. I will attempt that this week.

I have had quite a bit of time to contemplate things other than myself though like morning television. I have found a fabulous morning show but they still have the infomercials. They are doing my head in. I can swing my abs away, dance my fat away, cook myself great food, chop onions without crying and if they don’t please me, I can buy funeral insurance and kill myself in 12mths (they only pay on accident in the first 12mths). I may just do it but I will get my professional photographs taken first and have the crap photo shopped out of them so I look like a porn star. Hey, it’s where a lot of my money went to when I was with ‘it’ so it will be my homage to my past.

Birthday Realisations - March 2 2010

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:06:00 +0000

So I had my 39th birthday. It was possibly one of the worst on record. My father started verbally attacking me the night before so it was like kicking a person while they were down. It brought up a lot of emotions about the past decisions I had to make which then brought up quite a bit of regret and then extreme guilt. As per usual, I retreat into myself to protect myself from going completely insane so that means I can't answer the phone or the door. Emails and text messages are even difficult.

Anyway....enough about that.

I have been doing some thinking regarding my life and yes that has to include my weight because while I don't have a problem with my size, a lot of my personal struggles result in my weight problems. My plan is to lose 40kg's by my 40th birthday. This goal is more about me dealing with my personal issues and less about losing weight but since one leads to the other, making the weight loss a goal is easy. It is easy to say lose 40kg's in 12mths rather than I will rid myself of my emotional issues by my 40th. I have determined the following things which I need to change in my life.

I don't feel that I desesrve the best so I settle or allow myself to be pushed aside. By being fat, good things are pushed aside without me having to make that conscious admittion that I don't desesrve anything better.
I'm not a good person. Not a good friend, sister, daughter, aunt, partner, employee. I can't handle the fact that I am not good enough so being fat is an external reason for this rather than me personally which is an attack on my very being.

I need to be in control because I feel I need to or because I am told to. If I don't have an outlet to lose control, my emotions end up being sacrificed. As a kid I was told in school reports etc that I was too emotional, too dramatic, and expressing emotion was seen as bad so I learnt to hold things in and allow my body to get out of control. I don't control my food or exercise so that is my pressure valve release. Last time I lost a lot of weight was when I was out of control and having a lot of random sex, drinking, pill popping and I was also happy. I felt free from responsibility except for myself and I am a big girl that can look after herself. My emotions were in check until I found 'it' and because he was emotionally fucked up, I took control of him to fix him. My emotions had to be in check and so I lost control of my body again.

I need to find a way to direct my emotions, be able to accept that I do desesrve nothing but the best, and it is ok to look after me and by looking after me I can then be a better person to everyone around me. The next 12mths will be Diva focused. I can only focus on my needs and sadly that will mean a lot of friends will end up being disappointed in me I would imagine. Of course, if a friend or family member is in trouble and needs my help, I will be there, but I can't be there and ignore my own needs. This is selfish I admit, but I must do this if I want to have a happy life and fulfill my dreams.

I have a feeling that the universe may be starting to answer my call. I have 'met' a new person who has a similar belief in the universe that I am wanting to desperately to embrace, and I think that I may now have at least a mentor to assist me in my life learnings so I can get my life back

My Luck Had Better Bloody Change Or Else

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:05:00 +0000

I pulled apart a whole cooked chicken last night and the lucky part if the wishbone stayed with the chook! How is the chook lucky? I refuse to lose my luck to a dead chicken this year! Yes you can substitute dead chicken with fuckstick, asshole, fluff bunny, bimbo etc.

I Own My Feelings So Don't Analyse Them - Original post date January 2 2010

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:04:00 +0000

Why is it when a gorgeous man or woman of the larger persuasion is happy it is assumed they are covering up for the fact they are miserable about their weight or that they are trying to make others laugh so that they laugh with us not at us?

Why is it when the larger community are sad it is because they hate themselves and the size they are?

Yes there are times when I feel down because I am having body issues, but don't 99% of women have body issues at some stage? Even if somebody is a size 8?

There are times when I am just funny because I am me and aren't there skinny people that are funny too?

Why can't I just be happy or be sad because am human????

Happy 2010 and Lessons Learnt regarding Ring Tones - Original post date January 1 2010

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:02:00 +0000

What a way to see out the old and bring in the new. I won’t go into too many details however I will mention that DC was over for dinner, which I cooked and it was awesome, and a sleep over.
I have already learnt one thing this year, and I learnt it before midday. I have certain ring tones for certain people so I can have an idea of who is calling. EG, Bruce, Tongs and other said special friends have the ring tone ‘Pop, goes my heart’. Such a daggy song but hilarious and it makes m smile hence, I have assigned that to the special people in my life. DC has ‘Baby did a bad bad thing, and family have ‘We are Family’. The thing that now concerns me is the family ring tone.
Whilst DC and I were getting ‘jiggy with it’ this morning, my phone starts playing ‘We are Family’. It was my father calling. Seriously, not sure if DC heard the actual song or just the noise, but it can kinda kill a mood. Almost as bad as if a family member walked in on us. I almost felt guilty but that guilt soon went away but still, I am changing my ring tone and putting family back onto a ringtone I assign to the normal every day public. Good grief.

How Has This Year Helped Me Achieve My Goals? - Original post date December 29 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:01:00 +0000

My plan over the next few days is to re-read all of my posts and work out what I can learn from my experiences this year. There have been some posts which have been just random thoughts which tells me firstly, that I am a bit of a nutter, but secondly, I have quite a bit of creative stuff happening in my head and I need a creative out let for it.
The other posts, I can’t recall in great detail at this time. I need to work out what I can do next year to get to my 40th goal of being the real me. Living my true existence and not one that I create to fit in, not fit in, be loved, be hated, be sad, be happy. I want to be ME.
I turn 39 on the 26th Feb and as my penultimate year before my new life at 40 begins, I want to have a plan in place. Ah yes, I want to control what happens.
In this case, I need to control some things because otherwise I won’t achieve my goals. On the other hand, I need to allow things to just happen or allow others to take the reins at times. I need to learn to allow others to take control in order to be truly free and find the real me.
When I have worked out what I have learnt, I will post here and then I will post my plan.
2010 and my 39th year will be my most exciting year yet!

Happy Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Happy Bugger It - Original post date December 29 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 12:00:00 +0000

I know, Diva hasn’t updated for a while. There are a couple of reasons for this. Firstly, Diva has had a few issues that have left her feeling less than inspired and secondly, I didn’t want to jinx anything.
My father became quite ill and was rushed to hospital. After 10 days he was home and all is good now but we nearly lost him. This threw me for six. I know he drives me mad but I wasn’t prepared to lose him. When mum passed, we had plenty of time to prepare and ‘get used to the idea’, but with my father, he is reasonably healthy day to day.
Prior to this, I had decided to keep off the internet dating sites and become a single, cranky, weird old spinster with dogs as company. This was a definite decision and I wasn’t backing down....or so I thought.
I received an email message from a man off one of the dating sites. Something told me to reply. Not sure why. Even to this day, I have no idea why I didn’t ignore the message. We exchanged a number of emails over the next fortnight or so and he seemed to be a really lovely guy. Brain started to get all negative, which would have ordinarily stopped me from corresponding again but again, I kept at it. Eventually, I asked if he, let’s call him DC (Drew Carey because the first impression I got was that he looked like Drew) wanted to meet up for coffee. Safe date. Coffee, is short enough that if you are bored shitless or find out the guy is a sleeze bag etc, you aren’t stuck waiting for your main meal to arrive wondering if you can go to the loo and slip out the back.
My dad was taken into hospital on the Friday and yet, I arranged to meet him on the Sunday. I needed a break from the hospital so it was a great excuse. Flowers, coffee which turned into dinner and the conversation didn’t stop. I felt like I had known him for ages and I felt really comfortable, which was wonderful.
We have had a number of dates since then and I was such a ‘good girl’ for at least a month. It is easy to say ‘I know I have only known this guy for a few weeks but a shag can’t hurt’. Sadly, I can say that but very quickly, the emotions kick in and it just gets emotionally complicated. I also had the voice (not voices) in my head saying ‘sure, he is a really nice guy now, but when does he turn into an asshole?’ and I had to turn my thinking around before I could go further. It wasn’t fair on me and it wasn’t fair on him that I labelled him with the same stamp that all the previous potential partners had.
I did turn my thinking around and ‘Good girl NO MORE’. Life is great. I enjoy his company, we have been to movies, dinner, a picnic (that was so lovely) and we have spent time in front of the TV. We have a 2 night get away booked for a week from today and 2 nights at the tennis. I can’t be happier. I have also been ‘shopping’ but I won’t go into details except to say I am sure our little get away will be very nice indeed.
This is a great thing in my life. Other great things are that I have paid off my personal loan and a credit card bought my sister a car and have money in the bank.
Bad thing/good thing (both actually), I have lost my job. Asshole boss man, fluff bunny and the short man small penis big wig (smspbw) have decided that my role isn’t working and with the targets being set next year, I won’t achieve what is required. I was so incredibly unhappy having to do PR every day, bash my head against a brick wall and fight to do anything without the support of boss man and smspbw. HR pony club admitted that the company, boss man and smspbw had let me down and it was in my best interest to go because it was making me so unhappy. I had lost so much confidence this year. SMSPBW had it in for me waiting for any opportunity to get rid of me since his EA (slag face) was booted out because I had made a complaint about her discriminatory behaviour. I know I am bloody good at my job and I have more knowledge in my pinkie than boss man has in total but when you can’t do your job because you come up against barriers at every turn and you get no support, you start to think, ‘what is wrong with me?’ I know it wasn’t me and to have HR pony club admit it is a great thing.
I got paid 6 weeks plus holiday pay which is good. I am also glad that I have a buffer of 4 months wages additional to the pay out. This takes the pressure off me. I know that there is a fucking awesome job waiting for me out there where I will be appreciated and given the opportunity to grow. I will get way more money than I was paid at the old job and it will be awesome.
I am re-doing my vision board, re-reading ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ by Elizabeth Gilbert, and ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne before going back to Martha Beck and Louise Hays. All of this is to keep my mind focused on what I want in my life. I want a great job, healthy family and a healthy relationship with myself, friends, family and with somebody special.

Potential Ventures - Original post date November 5 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:58:00 +0000

Speaking with my dear friend Bruce today about stuff, which is what we usually talk about. We make a great team and it was agreed we should start up a business together. Now his nick name used to be Phat Man so his suggestion for the business name is Diva and the Phat Man. I LOVE IT!
Now, what would this business do? Doesn’t really matter actually as long as we didn’t have to work too hard and made lots of money. I had a thought that since I love food and fabulousness, we could have a little cafe, BUT, it would be a cafe which had a little stage where Diva would do impromptu Diva lessons. Updates, life observations etc. The trick is that you wouldn’t know when these would happen, so people would turn up and hope for the best. Time limit on the length of stay at the table before paying another cover charge. Yep, I think that would be fabulous. I would be happy cooking awesome cafe stuff, and my partner in crime could be in charge of PR, marketing and music. I think this is an awesome idea.
It is agreed also, that Diva needs to be turned into a screenplay. It will happen. I am too fabulous not to be taken out and exploited!

Sorry And Yay! - Original post date November 2 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:58:00 +0000

I have just read the last few entries and must apologise for my bad language. I didn’t realise I had written ‘fuck’ so much. Totally not classy.
Also need to mention that things maybe starting to look up in some areas. Stay tuned for more details later in the bulletin

The Princess, The Bagel And The Lucky Potential Castrati

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:57:00 +0000

Was taking a leisurely lunch break at our local shopping complex and I decided to grab myself a specialty chicken and bacon bagel, NO PICKLE. I have to ask, who would put pickle on a bloody bagel? It isn’t McDonalds!
I watch a woman make a chicken and bacon bagel with pickle. I just knew it couldn’t be mine since it had pickle on it, but then the unthinkable happened. She pulled it apart, took the pickle off, put it together and then called my number. I politely said, sorry, but would like a new one because the chicken, lettuce and tomato would now taste like pickles. I do say, politely. I was once in customer service, and didn’t want to give the moron grief.
She spoke to her boss and he went nuts, he said he would give me my money back but he wasn’t going to waste a bagel for the sake of some pickle juice and that I was being totally unreasonable. I mentioned the phrase, ‘the customer is always right’ to which he wanked on about being in customer service for 20yrs and the customer is only right when they are being reasonable, and since I was being ridiculous, he was right not me.
I gladly took the money, and then asked to purchase a chicken and bacon bagel no pickle, to which he got the one that had pickle juice on it and handed it to me. When I asked for a freshly made bagel as any paying customer would expect he said that he wasn’t going to waste a perfectly good bagel.
I told him in no uncertain terms that he was a fuckwit and he was lucky I was medicated because I would have covered him in pickle juice and then asked him if I were unreasonable. I did turn a couple of people away from his shop so I felt good.

Lessons - Original post date October 24 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:56:00 +0000

I am 38 and aboard the menopause express. Yes it is early, I know, but thanks to my genes (ta Mum) and the fact that I have been in a chemically induced menopause for almost a decade now means it is happening all on its own. I like things being chemically induced. Things happen without the hideous side effects.
Natural is not always better. I have been thrown into the fire pit of hell without all the cool people (pardon the pun) there to enjoy the tropical heat with me.
I feel it is my duty to explain a few things which really evolve around men.
The fact that menopause actually has the word men in it means I am justified in hating you (unless you are the platonic male friend and then I love you and that is that) and dare a man come near me at the moment. A guy looks once at my boobs and I will bite his head off let along looking twice. Surely once is enough. My boobs hurt, so don’t think that I would get turned on by you treating my nipples as knobs on a very old radio that need loosening up. I swear don't ask me if I am alright when clearly, if I am sweating like a spit roast pig, teary, and screaming at you, I AM NOT ALRIGHT! Speaking of the pits of hell and spit roast pig, this is why my cheeks are flushed. It isn’t because you turn me on or I have just taken the vibrator on a whirl wind tour. Do not even attempt to tell me I look like I have spent the day in the sun and ask did I enjoy it. Don’t tell me I look tired, ill, cranky, upset or otherwise. In fact don’t tell me I am beautiful because men only say that to get a woman’s clothes off and it just ain’t going to work. My head is pounding almost constantly so if you give me information I am supposed to retain, don't think for a minute that I have retained it because most of the time, you speak shit so repetition is the key but don't repeat it too much because then you sound like you are treating me like an idiot. If you make your verbal diarrhea more interesting, we wouldn't have a problem. If a man asks if there is anything he could do, expect 'die' or 'buy a one way ticket to hell' to be the suggestion. Harsh I hear you say. Perhaps, but harden the fuck up and understand that I am right, you are wrong and the world will be a better place.
Here endeth the lesson. Amen

Road Trip Part Deux - Original post date October 12 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:55:00 +0000

Well, Tongs, Mash and I went on our little road trip to country wine region. Not the commercial area up north but the country type where people will chat to you just because they are nice people.

Anyway, I can't say too much due to road trip rules, however, I can say I may have assulted a banana, and I tied up mash, and tongs and whisk were having their way big time. Ok, this tied up mash was actually a potato masher tied with shoe laces tied to a wrought iron bed and salad tongs and a balloon whisk were placed on the pillow like there was a lot of 'monkey' going on.
Yes there was much alcohol consumed and I still didn't get much sleep but I had a blast. These 2 people are just amazing and I love having them back in my life after so many years.
I really am very lucky to have some of the most amazing people in the world as friends. They take me for who I am and if I am not having a good one, will try to cheer me up if I let them and if not, they will just let me go and when I am ready they are back with me. I have thrown the ones that couldn't accept the fact that I have flaws and I am better off for it.
Vision board is on its way. I will be posting a photo of it when it is finished. Just thinking about the vision board has got a few things moving which is fantastic. Perhaps I should put a big bed with sleep above it and maybe that will help the insomnia. Either that or abduct a very cute bed partner to cuddle me in bed. No hanky panky right now, just cuddle me to sleep. Perhaps my vision board should include both. Now, THAT'S an idea!

Visions - Original post date October 4 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:53:00 +0000

One thing I tend to do when I have an emotional melt down, is I turn to the self help books which haven’t helped me in the past, but I have some sort of delusional thinking that this time it will be different.
In line with The Secret, Louise Hays, Martha Beck and others of their ‘cult’, I have decided to create a vision board.
What will this vision board do for me? Apparently, if I tell the universe exactly what I want, I will get it. Ya-whooooooo. Threesome with George Clooney and Angelina Jolie here we come!
Seriously, I need to stipulate what I want from my life and then create a vision board much like a story board for a movie or a new interior design.
I am going to stipulate the following
- Financial freedom
- Debt free unless a house. I am well on my way. Yay me.
- Purchasing a house
- Great well paying job where my talents and contribution is appreciated
- Healthy life (means exercising, eating right, keeping my emotional state in check)
- Healthy relationships with my friends
- A healthy intimate relationship with the ‘one’
- New car
- Mac computer
- Video camera
- Dare2Diva to be read by millions
- Get on morning TV (yep I am a show pony)
- Lose weight for charity
- Hold a charity concert where I will perform something
- Trip to Melbourne
- Overseas holiday
Once I get it going, I will probably have a heap of things on it, but if I don’t ask, I won’t receive apparently!
I am off to my favourite wine town next weekend with Tongs and Mash and I have decided that is when I make my comeback. Almost ready to open the toolbox so who knows, I may start the dating thing again.

Oops, Diva Fell Off The Control Train

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:52:00 +0000

Well it has been quite a long time since my last post.
I have had a bit of an internal struggle. Not the bowel kind (plenty of fibre here people) but of the brain and heart variety.
Work has been getting to me quite a bit which has interfered with my sleep patterns. If I lived in New York, I would be a happy camper. I am wide awake at night but at 3 in the arvo I could quite easily have a good night’s sleep, only to find I am hyperactive again at 10pm. The work thing has really fucked with my head. Last year I was in control of my job and my boss was happy with that. This year, since fluff bunny has come on the scene, he likes the idea of being in control and managing so he has said that I have to go through him for everything, he will speak with the big wigs and I have to deal with the small fry. Stupidly, I let him take control and he let me down. Shock me. A guy taking control and letting me down. He now says that I need to step up. When I confronted him with the ‘you wouldn’t let me’ he said that he would do what he could. Fuck that. It is now time for me to take back control and I am trying to find the strength to do so.
The anniversary of my mum’s birthday has been and gone. I had plans. Pink ribbon tattoo, dinner with friends, but that all fell apart. I had to be strong when mum was dying for my family and ‘it’ and I had to be strong for the funeral, and I had to be strong to go back to work etc. I know I didn’t grieve but surely, if you haven’t grieved for a few years, the need to should be gone. You just move on right? Wrong. I fell apart. I couldn’t see friends, I couldn’t answer the phone, I couldn’t read a text message, I couldn’t answer an email, I couldn’t get through the day without crying. I was out of control.
What the fuck happened?
I have been questioning my value in life.
I have had a couple of awesome friends that knew what was going on and stuck by me. They didn’t run away. I couldn’t talk to them about what was happening but they accepted me anyway. I love them dearly, particularly my beautiful tongs!
After much thinking, I have realised that all my issues centre around control. I am happy when I am in total control. I control everything. Sadly, this is when I am most vulnerable. You can’t control everything. I cognitively know this but emotionally I am so immature. When I try to control everything, I lose control, I let other people unknowingly take it. When you give up some control, you actually have more control over it. OK, oxymoron I hear you say! Well, yes but let me take you to the world of BDSM (don’t ask). When a sub ‘submits’ to their Master/Mistress, there is an agreement on what they sub will and will not do. What they are comfortable with. The safe word is there to use. They are in control, even though it may seem they are at the hands of their Dom. The ultimate power play. A sub is truly free when they have given control to somebody else. They can take it back when they want. The Dom is the safest person in the world to the sub. They have the privilege of being keeper of the control and a true Dom respects that and never takes advantage.

Ok, now let me clarify. I have no desire to be flogged within an inch of my life, wear a collar and leash or lick a toilet bowl clean. I just need to find the same freedom without the pain or humiliation!

Disturbed - Original post date October 4 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:51:00 +0000

All I care to remember about this dream is that I was invited to a party, not sure by whom, which happened to be on a huge property at the foot of the mountains in an old barn. Well, actually, when you walked in the old barn, the inside was very much like a grand palace with a lot of viewing rooms full of 4 poster beds (yes it has been a while). The other people at the party included Mash, Tongs, George Clooney, Ellen DeGeneres, Agro (the puppet co-host from an old Aussie kids tv show) and a crocodile called Phil.

I remember I was disturbed about 2 things. The fact that there didn’t appear to be a hand up the arse of the puppet (plenty of hands near arses elsewhere) and therefore nobody was there to provide the voice or move the mouth for it although Agro was very charming (??) and I couldn’t tell if Phil was a real crocodile or if he was a guy dressed as a crocodile.

Yes I am a disturbed individual but that is OK. I admit it so no problem.

A Question of Morals - Original post date July 7 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:50:00 +0000

Morality is a funny thing

Diva, as you know, has had a couple (perhaps more than a couple) of random acts of....intimate liaisons..well not really random as in, they were planned, well.......of late anyway, but liaisons without commitment shall we say.

As you also know, I have been back in touch with some wonderful friends from my bible bashing Christian school days, and although none have even brought this up, my attempted Christian upbringing has had niggling thoughts in my head that have been questioning my morals.

This is a tough thing mainly because morality has been based on 'you are either a slut or you aren't'. I used to have this ‘NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE’ belief which lasted until I was 17, and if it had lasted I would be one very cranky, bitchy, frustrated virgin with so many frequent flyer points to the sex shop and more guilt than you can speak of that I would be the biggest donator of points to charity EVER in the history of the WORLD as I still wouldn't have had sex!!!!

What is morality? I thought I had better sort this out quickly. According to the Christians I am going to hell and when I look at a lot of the people going upstairs and the people going down stairs I know where I want to be. I just wanted to make sure it was in the good, fun section of hell rather than the bad.

After doing some research I have come to the conclusion that it means being in accordance with what is right and good. I pondered this for a while and I am sure I am going to the good, fun section of hell after all. Why? I am polite, considerate and concerned with not breaking the law too much, which is in accordance with what is right and good and as such, will continue the intimate liaisons without commitment until I find somebody worth committing to or am too bloody tired to care.

How did I come to this conclusion?

1)I always say please – ‘Please Sir/Mistress, may I have some more!’
2)I always say thank you and give praise when due – Thank you sweetheart, you were awesome.
3)I obey the red, orange and green lights
4)I praise the almighty – Oh God....Oh God!
5)I always have such liaisons with consenting adults, no matter how many are involved at the one time and all are treated equally. No discrimination here.
6)If ‘love lollies’ were to be involved they would be eaten straight away, responsibly, so no one would get arrested and at least 1 in the group was sober! Responsible. I have never believed in the 'never screw screwed' philosophy.

See I am in accordance of what is right and good in my book so I am moral.

Bring it on sunshine!

Facebook - Original post date July 6 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:49:00 +0000

At the beginning of my current journey, I wasn’t really interested in facebook. I thought it was for the young ones, but then I decided to give it a try and I am glad I did. I am back in contact with some awesome people and have met others who are great FB friends.

I have found my year 9 and 10 best friend who kept me somewhat sane from what were quite horrid times. I wasn’t such a good girl and after the nuns asked me to leave, my parents, in their misguided way to make me good as gold, sent me to what we shall call a co-ed bible bashing Christian school. Not fond memories because I just didn’t fit in and being such a small school, bitching amongst the girls seemed to be 10 times worse than in an all girl catholic school with 130 kids in the year. The new school was lucky to have that in the whole year. Tongs (as she shall be called thanks to facebook) and I caught up and it was like we hadn’t had the 20 odd yrs apart. Another friend called Mash (yes FB again) was back in Tongs life so the 2 of us caught up over dinner and had a great time. It was decided we would go and see yet another friend (Corkscrew) who lived 6hrs away. This only meant one thing..........ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!!!!

This road trip was awesome. We nearly lost our way because Tongs was giving both wrong and right directions while Mash was listening only to the wrong ones. We realised that Tongs has a different left to the rest of us and I just kept quiet and laughed. Ok, I didn’t keep quiet because we got talking about ‘rabbits’ and Mash got so distracted that we missed another turn and I m sure we were in a ditch at one point. Lots of drinking, eating, talking, laughing, catching up was done and a great time was had by all. Apart from the drive home. I ended up with a bit of a lurgy and the car ended up being a petri dish of germs, but I love Tongs and Mash so much that I would share anything with them (well, within reason).

Talking of sharing with Mash and Tongs, we are going on a rabbit hunt. YES. How funny is that? Mash says he needs to get some stuff (love to see what he buys hehehe).

It has been great being back in touch with Tongs again. She is a top chick and a great friend. We chat either via facebook or phone at least 5 days a week...lol. I guess some things never change. Tongs and I have decided that if both of us are single by the time she is 40 we will marry (Yes we will have to fly to Iowa USA but that is fine), although with Mash calling me sexy, we may have to move to the US and join one of those polygamist sects so we can all be married. I may not be able to chose.

I am back in touch with the dodger. I was best friends with his sister in primary school for a while and then caught back up with them at the high school. Another gorgeous young man. So proud of him. He has a new ‘friend’ which was can call mylama (her daughter calls Dodges daughter mylama which is so cute). We ALSO went to school with her and she is lovely. I hope things work out for both of them.

I am so lucky to have amazing people in my life. I don’t need the toxicity of people that don’t think I am thin enough, smart enough, rich enough, classy enough, pretty enough, sexy enough. I am who I am and I bloody like who I am. OK, sometimes the reflection first thing in the morning is a bit much to handle but apart from that, I am doing alright indeed!

I'm Alive - Original post date July 5 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:48:00 +0000

Ok, I am sorry. I have been offline for a while. Lack of inspiration, lack of iron in blood, lack of a lot of things however, I do have some reports on a trip to Melbourne, which may have included some of the following:

Apologizing to a skinny guy on a very full plane. Apology went something like ‘I am sorry you drew the short straw. Yes you get to be squashed by the fat chick. However, I am cute, funny and it is only for an hour, and I can shut up for the whole trip if required. Oh, and I don’t eat people.’

Staying at Crown Promenade with Foxy.

Dinner

Drinking cocktails, wine, and then more cocktails before drinking shots off the bar.

Kissing a lesbian man and wanting to eat a man we shall call Cadbury, except he was taken.

Getting high fived for being bi by Cadbury man.

Kissing lesbian man again

Apologising to Indian Taxi Driver about drunken front passenger (ok, I was also drunk)

Running across a main road in Melbourne, Drunk, in shoes unsuitable to run in.

Drinking more in Fed square

Going to a strip club, and having a lap dance

Sitting in a fountain in Crown Casino and not getting kicked out

Having boobs perved on

Perving on boobs

Getting to room

All, some or none of this may or may not have happened to me, Foxy, Bruce, Cadbury, Lesbian Man, Papa D or Smorgos all in the one night, but all I can say is that I am too old for such shenanigans and I thought I was dying when I woke up. Thank god for nurofen, water powerade and coffee!

Hunny

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:47:00 +0000

You may not be able to compete with a rabbit but you will always be velveteen to me! xxx

Brick Wall Going Cheap - Original post date March 9 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:46:00 +0000

Ever wake up feeling great and think, today is going to be awesome only to have a brick wall hit you repeatedly in the head the minute you walk in the door at work? Welcome to my world.

Last week was quite crappy. I have been feeling somewhat threatened, which is ridiculous, by the little fluff bunny, and worried that she is being groomed to take over when they kick me out. Not so stupid really. Quite possible, but I very rarely feel threatened. I know I am a control freak, and have a tendency to speak my mind, often without thinking, but I do a bloody good job, even if nobody else recognises it. I am quite happy to pat myself on the back while people pass me by. Self satisfaction in all its forms is a good thing.

Today fluff bunny pissed me off no end. Apparently by being here for 5 mins she is ready to ‘take over’ and bulldoze everyone. She has pissed off a supplier who I consider a great guy, a bit of a hottie (but not as great or as hot as Bruce) and he doesn’t want to have to deal with her again. He said she was rude, argumentative and acted like she wanted him to fail so she looked better. She doesn’t realise that him and I worked really well together to not only help one another, but to do the best for the business. Everyone has been happy. Now by being rude she has taken a giant leap backwards. People like dealing with me because although I am the customer, I work with people and I reap the benefits.

Apart from pissing this guy off, she has pissed off a number of staff as well as a whole division. She is sprouting that people aren’t doing the right thing because they haven’t been trained properly. She KNOWS I gave the training. I have been training people all year and have worked with people to ensure things are as easy as possible whilst still being compliant. I am the best trainer I know and people have told me so. The reason some people don’t do the right thing is because either they are too bloody lazy, and with no actual consequence, why would you do the right thing, or because we have made alternative versions of what is right. Fuck me. Who the hell is she? I have more experience and expertise in my little finger than she has in her whole body and more professionalism than she could even begin to have a clue about. The way she speaks to people over the phone is downright rude most of the time and I can’t listen to another word of it.

I have to be thankful for Lily Allen’s song ‘F**K You’. It has been on a loop all day, and yes for her benefit and for mine because if it weren’t for the chuckle this song gives me, I would have hurt her big time today.

I feel like every day is just another version of the previous and I just carry around a well used brick wall and end up head butting it numerous times a day. Fuck me on a Sunday in the Snow. I have another day of it tomorrow.

Another Year Older And I Have Some Of The Best Friends In The World - Original post date March 8 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:45:00 +0000

Diva had a birthday. Every birthday since my 30th has been totally crap. I spent my 30th depressed, in bed watching sad movies, eating tim tams and getting drunk. Not much else happened. Then I met ‘it’ and every time my birthday came around he determined we either didn’t have enough money or he hurt himself or had gout and couldn’t take me for dinner, a picnic etc. Mind you, every year for ‘its’ birthday we did something special such as he booked us a trip to tassie, the mountains, we went to a really nice restaurant, had time with friends etc.

This year, I got the feeling something was going on. Foxy asked if she could take me for dinner but wouldn’t let me know where. Not strange in itself, as it is something foxy would do, but I got a feeling something else was going on.

The big day arrived, and high tower left a whole happy birthday song on my voice message, foxy cleared her throat and sang me the most ‘beautiful’ version of the song and wonder chick sang 2 versions because others had beaten her to it the first time round. Sweet.

Foxy and Beauty gave me a gorgeous bracelet and now Thomas Sabo is my favorite jewelry designer, and of course, hugs all round.

Now Foxy told me which suburb we were going to and I guessed that Bruce at least was joining us. Then Bruce called and wished me happy birthday and was so ‘subtle’ asking what I was doing that night. I couldn’t let him know I knew something was going on of course. I then heard again from Wonder chick that Smorgos was in town so I knew it would be 5 of us for dinner.

I had to drive and ‘follow’ Foxy because I live in the sticks, but I didn’t mention to her that I had an extreme fear of city traffic, tunnels, bridges, going places I haven’t been to before and not planning a trip with a map etc. I thought I would have to stop my car going through a tunnel because I was hyperventilating so badly I thought I would pass out. Anyway, we got there and all I can say is thank god I had good make up on because it would have run everywhere!

We met up with the other 3 and was given a beautiful bunch of flowers from BSWC and Papa D who was not with us but also called to send wishes and he sent me a bottle of pink Moet. More hugs all round. Very very nice indeed. Dinner was great. Carnivore heaven, mind you, the cinnamon pineapple was to die for. I honestly can’t remember what we talked about, but I know it involved a lot of laughing, checking out arses, getting the Spanish boy to talk as often as he could, mentioning the people on the table to the left of us weren’t good looking enough to be in our pics, but the people on the other table weren’t bad at all.

We went for a walk along the beach. Great to chat whilst walking. My flowers were carried alternatively between Bruce and Smorgos. They could never be crowned Miss Hot Stuff. They treated those flowers like a bag of concrete, but they survived.

Side Bar…..During our walk I have come to the conclusion that Bruce is smitten with his new chick. Of course, nobody will ever be good enough for him as far as I am concerned but that is because I have decided to adopt him and wear the protective big sister hat, but if he is happy, I am happy. Ecstatic actually (I have to live vicariously through others), and the picture I have seen give me the impression she is very nice and she is definitely reasonably good looking (actually she is gorgeous). On the other hand, just wait for the curses to be sent should he get hurt.

To finish the night, gelato, coffee and more chatting until we got kicked out.

Thanks to Foxy, Wonder Chick, Smorgos, Bruce and a special mention to Papa D. I love you guys. Thanks for an amazing evening. Memories to treasure forever.

Tools, Tools, Tools In The Box - Original post date February 18 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:41:00 +0000

There are some tools that DIVA just can’t live without. Nail file, hair straightener, vibrator, and then there are those tools that are not even good enough to be in your (tool) box and forgotten.

I am afraid I have to announce that Math Man is one of those tools to be well and truly forgotten.

We had an amazing night together just before Christmas. We laughed, talked, had fun, he gave me a massage, we had fun, he played with my hair, we had fun, and he cuddled up and went to sleep. I actually thought that it was too good to be true, yet, if it was true, I was totally falling. It was the best night we had spent together.

He then spent Christmas with his family which I expected and he contacted me via email (not good) that he would contact me the following week, which would have been the week after new years. He didn’t. He contacted me through messenger the last week in Jan.

It was around 8 weeks since we had seen one another. I didn’t make myself immediately available but said I could make it around 8 the next day. I felt odd about going. I couldn’t explain it then, I just kept saying, what am I doing. Anyway, I got there around 8, had a quick chat, fast forward 2 hours, and when I got back from the bathroom, he said ‘you don’t have to stay. I have to get up early in the morning’. I thought, here goes. I simply said that I get up early anyway, but if you want me to go, just say so. He said ‘I will walk you to your car’. I said don’t bother, the only thing you haven’t done is give me my envelope.

What is great for me is that I am not heartbroken. I feel foolish for not listening to my inner voice. The one that isn’t psychotic or coming from space, but that intuition that we all have and very rarely listen to. I feel foolish because I didn’t take notice of the hesitation, the odd feeling that I had. I just went with what my heart and part of my head wanted. I wanted the night to be fantastic. I wanted this to mean that we had something special, I wanted to feel special and yet, I wasn’t devastated. I guess that angel on my shoulder was thinking ‘if she isn’t going to listen to me, I can at least prepare her for the let down’.

I am really over the guys that just want sex and think that I would be fine with it. I am not a fucking prostitute and I don’t shag and run. I expect more for myself. I deserve more than that. I want a relationship. I know that doesn’t happen straight away, but you can start with a friendship. I love sex and don’t expect to wait until I am in love, Jesus, I would still be a virgin if I lived by that rule, but I do expect that a bond is there, a friendship that can grow into a relationship.

Now, let me just state for the record that I don’t want to shag any of my current friends, well......... no I don’t want to. I love you all but I can assure you, you are safe. Sorry to disappoint! Remember this though. I am always up for a snog, purely for photographic or artistic expression, rebellion or just to give advice on technique....I am sooooo hilarious.

I have not given up completely on ever having a relationship, however, I am happy to get friendship, and hugs from my awesome friends, companionship from a poodle, snogs from random strangers and ‘satisfaction’ from a tool that you can turn on and off when and if you feel like it.

For The Love Of..Part Deux - Original post date February 18 2009

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:40:00 +0000

I had to lower my standards and catch a train into the city for a work shop today and then back by train to see my dentist because I broke a tooth. ‘How exciting’ I hear you say. I know I was really thrilled by this joyous day, particularly, when in February, I have to wear my woollen winter coat and use my umbrella in an attempt to keep part of me dry. It wasn’t until I got back on the train to go home (it was sunny, hot and humid by this stage) that I sat down and my 'picture' was taken. Sitting opposite me was a girl with such a short skirt on that I could tell she wasn’t wearing knickers. If the skirt wasn’t short enough, when she sat down directly opposite me, she had her legs open and ‘smile’. Fuck me. Firstly, don’t skimp on the material, for god’s sake. Secondly, wear some knickers you dirty slut and finally, didn’t your mother teach you to sit with your legs closed and delicately placed on the side?
Not sure what I have done to deserve the short skirt, or ‘arse belt’, so called because it sits on your arse but doesn’t actually go past it, attack. Short skirts have never really been my thing, except on Billy Piper, as I am partial to a bit of butch when it comes to the XX chromosomal owner.

Let me just state for the record that the work shop was an inspiration. Well, an inspiration for the eyes, heart, brain and other bits! 2 of the presenters were bloody hot, 1 in particular, and the other was good to look at and had a mighty cheeky personality, intelligence, and I think he could be a bit of a wild one! The work shop was put on by a company that helps people in my position (don’t get me started here) achieve (don’t write orgasm) their business objectives. My boss also attended and he mentioned to the hotties whilst we were talking (OK whilst I was wondering if my hair that had been rained on looked ok and if I had mascara running down my face, and trying to have intelligent, yet funny, conversational moments) my boss mentioned that I, the Diva, might be in contact with them, aka Hotties, to assist in running an optimisation project. Now, I could have been subtle in my approach, but, subtlety has never been a strong suit of mine. I blurted that I would most definitely be calling them and that the three of us would be a great team and could definitely make an impact!!!!!!!!! I nearly died when it fell out of my mouth, but then again, there is nothing wrong with being blunt. Just ask the hot Foxy. You can be as subtle as a sledge hammer and it doesn’t hit home. HA! From many little seeds, grows one great big mother of a tree. Just ask Jack.

Boobs And Bollywood And Slowly Retrieved Memories

noreply@blogger.com (dare2diva) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 11:39:00 +0000

Work Christmas party was a hoot. I was on really strong prescription meds for allergies, and 1 champagne sent me over the edge so I couldn’t feel my lips for most of the night. I actually danced. This black duck don’t dance, but she actually was shaking her groove thang! I did my boob shimmy A LOT and when the bollywood music started, I did the chicken or beef dance. I am practicing both moves so they are perfected for my next outing. I actually remember pressing my boobs up against the window of the function centre which looked out onto the harbour and also against the window of the bus going home, in front of a number of staff members. I was totally obsessed with boobs that night. Shame I didn’t grope any and mine didn’t get any action. I did grab wonder chicks arse and possibly 1 or 2 boys when we got into a dance huddle. I figured that since body bits were going everywhere, it was a perfect opportunity to cop a feel without being done for harassment, or obvious awkward moments the following day. Funny thing is that I am still remembering bits and pieces and yet I pulled up really well the next day with 3 hours sleep!